Is Heaven Supposed To be Like This?! -Chapter 5

Author- Light

A promise is a promise! No more disgusting jokes! alright?! maybe…..hopefully……

THE TUXEDO MAKES THE SPY!

A few hours went by uneventful, but if I had to name one….it’ll be the one where I had to steal clothes while trying to not let zombies know of my presence.
I went to a place I always wanted get clothes from, but was too expensive for me to actually buy them.
Really, thank god the zombies didn’t ruin the suits in there.
So right now….I’m wearing a black tuxedo!

My only regret is that it doesn’t have a computerize chip in it that grants special abilities….
As for the reason why I bothered even changing clothes, is that my old clothes began smelling.
And…..Acil kinda forced me to pull over and get some new clothes.
Now then, if you’re forced to change clothes…..isn’t getting a tuxedo a thing every man should do?!
Especially when you realize exactly where we’re currently heading to.
The JSDF base!
As for why, it’s obviously guns.
I NEED GUNS!
I’ll look like an agent!
A tuxedo and a gun….isn’t this every man’s spy dream?
When I return to heaven, I’ll make sure to invent a video game about a nationally trained spy against zombies!
I bet it’s going to be a huuugeee hit!!!!!

~bump

“A-ahem.”

I’m sorry….it seems that i got a bit too excited.
I accidentally ran over a few zombies.
Teehee~!
Hmm?
Isn’t it awfully quiet?
In the car at least.
I take a look to my right, and…….a goddess is sleeping.
With her small, moist red lips open, her long eye lashes close, she is sleeping.
I couldn’t help but not be able to return my sight back to the road.

~Bump

~Bump Bump

For a second, i felt that i was a player in zombie highway…
Ehh~ i want my guns even more now!
I quickly return my eyes back to the road, while fighting off the urge to look back at the sleeping Acil.
I get it! Rather than thinking about Pi *math is evil* let me explain exactly why I’m surprised at her sleeping.
Let me remind you that this car…..smells.
It smells of rotten flesh and bodily waste.
The car keeps shaking……
Shit….now that I think about it, aren’t we kinda almost out of gas?
Thank goodness we’re almost there….so please, survive on me, car!
Jokes aside, i can already see the base in front of us.
Hopefully, I’ll find some guns and gas.
Which reminds me, i already talked with Acil about the circumstances of this game’s rules.
And…..we realized there’s only two ways to win the game.

  • Time Limit
  • To save the world

As for the time limit, it might have been set in order to kill Acil, which is very disadvantageous for us.
It might have been set for a year, two or maybe a hundred.
As for saving the world……we can’t really save it.
Since its ‘dead’.
We can eradicate the zombies though, so perhaps that’s a victory condition?
Though based on Acil’s information, the god or goddess who sent us here, must be in the same world as well.
But…..she could be in America for all we know.
Oops, there’s actually three ways!

“And we’re here!”

I quickly hold my mouth shut.

“Mnmm….?”

I

JUST

WOKE

UP

THE

SLEEPING

GODDESS!

I began screaming internally, because i just sabotaged my plan to admire her sleeping face.
I-it’s not like I’m a creep alright!
I-it’s her fault for being so beautiful!
Ahh~ but her awake self is great too!

“We’re here……?”

“Yes! Now then, lets proceed and get our weapons!”

Hopefully, there’s no zombies inside the base.
I pressed on the peddle, the engine roared and i drove the car through the fence gate.
Of course, the just awoken goddess was screaming for her life with an “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
Today’s elders have no stomach for action…..no?

Well, thank god the car didn’t break down on us.
I did take some military training as a teen, kinda wanted to know the new world’s weapons.
Although….i was put on reserve and never actually saw any action, and quit after two years.
But i know this base quite well, and thus we headed a little deeper into the place.
Acil opened the window and is leaving a trail of vomit behind us.
And if you look a bit, you’ll notice that her side of the car is also covered in vomit.
As for why you have to notice…it’s because its already nearing midnight.
With halfhearted thoughts, we began making our way toward the base’s arsenal.
We ran over a few zombies here and there and eventually reached the place.

“Phew~! Thank god this place is exactly like my world!”

“Uuuu…..it’s called parallel universe….”

Of course i knew that!
I patted the still-to recover-Acil’s back and then we both got out of the car.
We headed to the small storage like building that is centered in the middle of the base.
The only unnatural thing about it is that it’s made of steel.
As we were approaching, i noticed that the door is open, so i gestured Acil to halt in her place.
I began sneaking around until i reached the door and entered the dark shed.
Thinking it was too dark, i fully swung opened the steel door to let some moonlight in.
The door creaked with all its might, and took some soil with it.

“With the sound this has made….it’ll attract zombies…!”

I quickly ran out of the shed and toward Acil
And….we waited.
Nothing came out.

“Perhaps…there’s no one there?”
I said.

This time, Acil took the initiative and went inside first.

“Woah! Come back, Acil! It could be dangerous!”

But then i realized that my shout alone would attract them, so i decided to follow her, who ignored my shout.
I entered the now faintly lit shed, and looked after the standing Acil.

“Oii, Acil?”

She began shaking and fell down to her knees.

“W-what is this……?!”

she said and pointed toward a M16.

“I-isn’t this the work of alchemists and witches…….!?”

Ahh…
Isn’t she from that time?
Although the location is quite wrong, didn’t witch hunts begin around that time?
Either way, aren’t you a freaking god?

“Stop reacting to every little thing! I’m really starting to doubt you’re a goddess…”

But it couldn’t be helped.
Back in her time, those things didn’t exist, but heaven and gods did.
So I guess that’s more acceptable to her…
Either way, I picked up the M16 rifle that Acil pointed at a few moments ago and some ammunition.
I began looking for a bit and….

“Oh my god….I didn’t expect to find this here!”

I found an RPG!
I also found a S&W model 10 which is another plus.
With that, I gently guided the still shocked Acil out of the shed with a rifle in hand, an RPG in my back and the pistol under my pants.
Shit…..I really feel like a spy!
With that thought alone, tears began swelling in my eyes.
With this, one wish isn’t going to be making the bucket list!
…..Ohh wait, I’m already dead.
With such silly thoughts, we made our ways toward the car.

There, we met the first living organism since we came to this dead world.
A petite girl was standing on top of the car.
Yes. She was standing up straight in the ceiling of the car, hands in her thigh, perhaps waiting for us.
She had shoulder length, black hair. While her similar black eyes looked straight at mine.
As for what she wore….it looked like a BDSM outfit.
To be more precise, it’s a black bondage outfit.
I readied my weapon and approached alongside Acil.

“Fuhahahaha!”

The little girl began laughing.

“……..”

The recovered Acil watched on the act of the little girl, and then face palmed.
Ehh~ I’m the one who wants to face palm!
To begin with, who is this little girl?!
And you….aren’t you just dead weight?!
And here i thought you were a ‘cool and collective’ character…
The girl then stopped laughing and continued.

“It’s I–”

–Bang

I shot her through the head.
….what?
I’m just trying to make sure that she’s truly alive!
I mean, if she’s alive, she’ll bleed, right?!
Wait…..didn’t i shoot her through the head?
I just….killed her.
Well, there are no police in a dead world!
I quickly said that in my heart while cold sweat broke out in my back.
The girl who should have flown away from the shock of being shot at, stood still in her feet and looked at me as if I just killed her parents.
She’s angry yo.

“Ahh…she’s alive.”

The bullet hole in her forehead began healing just like that.
The little girl, after taking a deep breath, said “It is I–”

–Bang

I shot again.
I have to make sure she’s immortal!
I didn’t mean anything at all by my behavior!
It’s totally, logically based action!
The girl turned toward me again, with tears in her eyes, and said

“ITSITHAN—”

—Bababababababababang!

I unlocked the rapid fire and shot away.
As for exactly why I’ve done it this time…i want to see her die.
Well, i bet she hasn’t died yet.
Although…she fell on her back.
While still stationed in the ceiling of the car, the little girl took a few minutes and then stood up yet again.
With obvious irritation in her eyes, she tried to continue what she has tried to finish for a few minutes now.

“It is I…..”

This time, I didn’t shoot at all.
She looked on, expecting me to shoot.
When her tearful eyes met mine, i couldn’t help but not throw away my rifle.
She gave a huge, broad smile and then with a tarara~♪ feel continued.

“It is I, Thanatu—–”

—KABOOOOOOOM!

I never said that I won’t use the RPG, now did I?
And with that, we met the suspicious god of death, who only turned out to be a bondage loli.

Machine Translating to give a bit back to the community.
If you want to help support/encourage me, you can add me on Patreon.
Is Heaven Supposed To be Like This?! -Chapter 4
Is Heaven Supposed To Be Like This?! -Chapter 6
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21 Comments on "Is Heaven Supposed To be Like This?! -Chapter 5"

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moneng85
Guest

hahaha
arigatou~!

synthous
Guest

“You greet people first, I carved hello on each of these bullets” 😐

Kalis
Guest

Ah… The OP loli has appeared.

Thanks for the chapter

KiraKiller
Guest

Reblogged this on Archivity.

KiraKiller
Guest

Used all ammo on a loli goddess and not on zombies…. Makes sense….

minihanky
Guest

hahaha the humor is really nice in this story 😀 Thanks for translating!
“I never said i wont use the RPG” rofl

tonyrexton
Guest

although the first 4 chapter were a failed excuse for puns this one almost killed me with the humor so more of this please

Light
Member

Oh, you my friend understand my lack of humor!
I really suck at telling jokes, in which i have no idea why i started writing a comedy……
I’m crossing fingers with ya in hopes for more, funny content to appear….

tonyrexton
Guest

well light to tell you the truth ur not the only one and what’s worse is that i’m just starting to write it

cellsoul
Guest

I’m on the toilet reading this ^_^

Light
Member

If only he found a toilet himself…..

cellsoul
Guest

Yep

MEGA SPARTA CHICKEN
Guest

Weeeeeee

MEGA SPARTA CHICKEN
Guest

Light you know my true name (Username) guess it please.

Light
Member

Imma go straight out, and let me tell you, I’M VERY SORRY IF I’M WRONG! but are you MegaCrazy44? I’m basically just going for that because of the A)username you just wrote and B) ITS ALL IN CAPS!
This is purely a guess, and i’m sorry if i’m wrong….

MEGA SPARTA CHICKEN
Guest

Replying even though you already got one.

Djajapena
Guest

Oh. . . my side! My side’s hurting.
Wahahahaha…!

Astreon
Guest
Ok, so, i get the “let’s be overly humorous (and what’s funnier than playing with shit + now you all understand that when kids say “eat shit and die” it’s litteral)” part and the “let’s write in a devil-may-care style” part, but that can only be viable on the long term if there is a consistent plot. Which isn’t the case here, and the story is turning into one of those cartoon sitcoms you like to watch (and i like them too, but on TV, i wouldn’t read southpark or the simpsons). You do have talent, but you deliberately choose… Read more »
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